[antifragile 4 🔥] the cost of intensive parenting, criticism & praise, Jonathan Haidt on antifragility, a reminder in world full of comparison.
#17: a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind.
Parenting is just a long string of experiments. Nothing ever works forever. Including the way my son likes to be burped after each feeding. 😮💨
Welcome to the 17th edition of the antifragile 4 🔥.
It’s a weekly 4-item newsletter from The Antifragile Dad created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind. Some weeks will have a theme, others will meander. Expect it every Friday.
Here’s this week’s antifragile 4 🔥:
a podcast episode 😣 on how parenting has become more intense than ever before…and its impact on parents’ health.
a concept 🙌 🖕 on criticism and praise.
a post 🌴 on antifragility from Jonathan Haidt.
a reminder 🫣 in a world full of comparison.
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1.) a podcast episode 😣 on how parenting has become more intense than ever before…and its impact on parents’ health.
The Parents Aren’t Alright from The Daily.
Health advisories from the Surgeon General are usually reserved for things like smoking or drinking or shooting heroin into your eyeballs.
So it makes sense that the latest advisory is warning of the ill effects of…parenting?
Wait, did I read that right?
The top doc in the country has warned that the modern version of parenting - termed “intensive parenting” - comes with a significant price tag payable in mental & physical health.
One of the crazy facts from this episode: Working mothers spend as much time with their kids today (with a full-time job) as stay-at-home mothers spent with their kids in the 70s. 🤯
Modern parents are running themselves ragged to optimize their children's development in the name of preparing them for an uncertain and competitive future.
This episode hit me hard as I clearly qualify as an intensive parent; offering growth experiences for my children in every waking moment.
But is that a bad thing?
As the Buddha said (or maybe it was Gandalf?) - the answer lies somewhere in the middle.
I’ve written in past editions that I believe our generation is the greatest parenting generation to have ever existed. And part of that is how damned involved we are in our kids’ lives.
But I think we have to be conscious of the fact that we can be too involved. That much (most?) of a child’s learning is found while exploring and experimenting on their own. While facing adversity on their own (while knowing they have a safe place to return to should they fail).
This episode was a good reminder of this necessary balance.
Thanks to Steve F for the rec!
2.) a concept 🙌 🖕on criticism and praise
All praise is self-praise. All criticism is self-criticism.
My coach operates by this model.
It makes the next time you criticize or praise someone a little more interesting.
3.) a post 🌴 on antifragility from Jonathan Haidt
Author of The Coddling of the American Mind & The Anxious Generation.
I love the example of the trees in the biosphere.
The designers forgot to include wind, which meant the trees were never challenged and thus never developed a resilient structure. So they fell over and died.
We don’t need Milton-level winds. But we need wind to grow strong. So do our kids.
4.) a reminder 🫣 in a world full of comparison.
🎗️A little reminder that you’re doing fucking great.
Judge yourself only against the person you want to be in the future. And do it gently.
That’s all. I love you.
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Two last things for you this week:
Share some honest praise. It’s likely a reflection of what you think about yourself.
Be fire and wish for the wind 🔥
With love,
Chris