[The Antifragile Dad 🔥: 1-Year Edition 🎉] 38 Lessons from my 38th Year

🎉 #52: a weekly newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind.

Today marks a full year of The Antifragile Dad 🔥 - and I want to share my genuine gratitude with all of you who’ve been along for the ride.

Consistency in creative projects has long been my white whale.

I’d unearth an idea, get excited, tell the world how excited I was, spend ten manic days obsessing over it… then hit a speed bump, get discouraged, and quit.

Rinse, repeat.

But not TAD 🔥.

This has been more than just a creative outlet - it’s been a source of energy and connection.

The conversations this newsletter has sparked, the stories you’ve shared, the sense of camaraderie in the highs, lows, joys, and frustrations of this insane journey called fatherhood - that’s what keeps me coming back each week.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my words and share your thoughts.

Because if there's one thing I've learned in this last year, it's how utterly vital human connection is in our increasingly disconnected world.

So, here’s to another 52 weeks. My hope is that, together, we all become kinder, stronger, more antifragile versions of ourselves.

With love,
Chris

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This also happens to be the week after my 38th birthday 🎉. And being that one of my favorite birthday traditions is Ryan Holiday’s Lessons, I thought for this week’s newsletter I’d make a list of my own.

I hope you enjoy. And perhaps even make a list of your own. Creating it was a powerfully reflective process. 🔥

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3️⃣8️⃣ Lessons from my 38th Year

1. Having 2 kids is exponentially harder than having 1 kid. But also exponentially more rewarding.

2. I didn't think it would be possible to love something as much as I love my first son. My second son has proved that wrong.

3. I'm endlessly grateful to have two healthy boys. Made even more so by friends whose kids are dealing with serious diseases.

4. There will never be a convenient time to do your work. Make time amidst the chaos, or concede that it will never get done.

5. Developing rules & philosophy around technology is not a nice-to-have; it’s essential. Especially with AI, as it threatens to move us further away from leading fulfilling lives. Figure out how you want to use it, without it using you.

6. The energy of where you live matters…a lot. Which is why we’re moving.

7. Being realistic and responsible has routinely put me into my least favorite life situations.

8. Connecting deeply with other men is necessary for thriving.

9. I’m limited by my own imagination. To quote a song, “All we ever do, is all we ever knew”. Being curious opens new doors. Otherwise, you risk interpreting the .00000001% of life you’re exposed to as 100% of your options.

10. Letting go of other people’s opinions about your life is cleansing. It’s an ongoing process, but it’s freeing like almost nothing else that exists.

11. It takes true strength to show love in the face of anger & condescension. But it’s worth it every time.

12. I see how romantic relationships can get eaten alive by this stage of life. Communication, taking the most charitable interpretation, and the perma-mindset of being on the same team are absolutely essential.

13. Keeping intimacy alive with kids is hard. But crucial. Planning is your friend.

14. Physical strength really matters, not just cardio/endurance. We’re getting to the years where muscle is increasingly hard to regain once lost. Resistance training is crucial.

15. Your life is how you talk about your life. Choose your words wisely. If you say you're feeling old and out of shape, that's how you're going to feel. If you say you feel amazing and are in the best shape of your life, that's also how you're going to feel. Action certainly must follow these words, but the priming they provide makes it a hell of a lot easier.

16. Overreliance on technology will atrophy your mind. Make sure you use your BRAIN FIRST. Critical thinking and creativity are the areas most at risk with AI. If it’s a skill you don’t want to atrophy, do the mental heavy lifting on your own FIRST, then use technology to clarify and cement your understanding.

17. Technology overuse has made real-life experiences much more valuable. Purposefully seeking these out for ourselves & our children is vital.

18. The more I obsess over documenting my life (digital photos, notes), the worse my memory seems to get. This isn't to say that I want to stop, but rather prioritize being present with the experience, instead of outsourcing my memory of the moment to a digital medium (that I will likely never look at).

19. Our world is going to look staggeringly different in 5 years. Let alone by the time my kids finish high school. The only way to thrive in this environment is to be nimble and to be curious (and antifragile, of course).

20. Most people are simply reciting someone else’s opinion. I don't hold it against them. I do it too in a lot of areas. Just not all. Thinking deeply takes work.

21. You can be a thoughtful citizen and not read the news. It may actually be easier to operate outside of the mass news psychosis that’s peddled as “being informed”. Live a life filled with actions aligned with your values.

22. Political conversations, unless they're with somebody who is genuinely open and curious, are useless. Avoid them.

23. I'm addicted to my phone. It's fair to admit that, and it's a net negative. I'll be thinking more about this in the coming year.

24. On that note, going to the bathroom without your phone is okay, and you should do it more often.

25. Having a coach is a game-changer for fitness. The accountability, camaraderie, and insight allow you to focus on execution.

26. Having someone you trust to talk to professionally weekly is a great way to prevent slumps. Coach, therapist, rabbi, priest, Tran - whoever.

27. Creating things just to create them - for no productive purpose - is perfectly okay. Actually, it’s probably at the core of a meaningful life.

28. Putting your intentions into the universe often yields surprising fruit. Write them, speak them. They often manifest in eerily cool ways.

29. Watching sports is less appealing to me. First, sports are the ultimate suffering; putting your happiness in the hands of something you have zero control over is the definition of misery. But that’s what we sign up for. It’s the watching others performing + striving that has gotten less fun these days. I’d rather do it myself, even if it’s not in a packed stadium.

30. Most media and social media drive us to jump from one headline to the next. Resist this temptation. Figure out what matters to you and pay attention to it.

31. Just because something is on TV or in the news doesn't make it important.

32. This is everyone else's first time through life too. They deserve a break.

33. I love my work. But I also love time not working. It usually takes about 3 days before my mind starts to downshift. But once it does, I can dive into things like philosophy and writing at a much deeper level.

34. How you treat your body in mid-life will determine how painful or graceful your ultimate demise will be. Invest in mobility, strength & diet now.

35. I increasingly only want to put food and drink in my body that energizes me. The groggy mind and sluggish body are just not worth it.

36. Alcohol has a vanishingly small place left in my life. And that place is the odd night on the deck with my wife after bedtime.

37. I need more manual labor in my life. Gardening, building, tinkering - they provide shots of meaning. Meaning does not lie behind a screen or behind convenience; it's in struggle, sweat, and (inner) conflict.

38. Friends who you can say anything to and are just as comfortable saying anything to you are one of life's greatest treasures. Don’t ever take them for granted.

Thanks again for an amazing year.

Be fire and wish for the wind 🔥.

With love,
Chris

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