🔥 🌊 the water of capitalism, 🐒 my monkey brain and dopamine, 🚀 brave aspirations, 👶🏻 Gary Vaynerchuk on being 36
#70: a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind.
Welcome to the 70th edition of the antifragile 4 🔥.
This week we dive into an unfortunate truth about the water of capitalism, how much my primate brain loves dopamine, and the power of brave aspirations.
Plus a nice reminder from Gary V that you’re a f*cking child.
There was a lot of love about the writing last week. Thanks, as always, for reading.
I hope you enjoy.
With love,
Chris
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Here’s this week’s antifragile 4 🔥:
an unfortunate characteristic
🌊of the water of capitalisma reminder 🐒 of how much my monkey brain loves dopamine
a question
🚀about brave aspirationsGary Vaynerchuk 👶🏻 on being 36
1.) an unfortunate characteristic 🌊 of the water we swim in
We live in a capitalistic society. It offers numerous benefits. You may have enjoyed one or two in your travels.
But here’s an unfortunate characteristic of that water we’re all swimming in: the whole thing grows by convincing us we’re insufficient.
Because…that’s how you sell. I do it. All day long, I tell people (in the most charming way) that they suck without my products. That they’re totally missing out. That without XYZ they’re leaving their true potential on the table!
And it works!
And you know what? People tell me that I suck all day long too! And that works too!
That I’m not rich enough (so join our mastermind).
That I’m not confident enough (so buy this program).
That girls don’t want me enough (What’s that? You’re married? Buy this program anyway, just in case)
That I’m not me enough (so buy this course).
That I’m not healthy enough (so buy this $4 organic Honeycrisp).
That my writing sucks (so buy Grammarly).
Insufficiency sells. And it sells extremely well.
What’s the alternative? To tell people that they’re perfect exactly the way they are? That no level of performance or attainment or notoriety will ever fill the life-sized hole that exists in their soul? And that they’d be better off telling themselves and everyone around them that they are a gift to the universe, lucky to be conscious at all, and blessed to enjoy this magical brief experience?
Nah.
Get out of here. How the f*ck are we going to meet quota talking like that? Tell ‘em they suck!
So. It’s just worth keeping this in mind as you go about your day.
You will be told over and over and over and over that you suck.
But I am here to inform you that you, in fact, do not suck. In fact, the opposite is true. Nothing is more perfect than what you are today…
…now buy my program for $49.99 and I’ll show you how you can think that way too!
2.) a reminder 🐒 of how much my monkey brain loves dopamine
A few weeks ago, I wrote about embracing your season. The particular season I was in looked like this: late nights, constant phone-checking, manic, caffeine-fueled work blocks.
And it paid off. Sales are through the roof, and the foundation for the next few years is stronger than it’s ever been.
But despite the most intense work being behind me—and despite needing to do little more than tweak things the rest of the year, and despite writing a whole newsletter saying this grind was temporary—when the clock strikes midnight, you’ll still usually find me glowing in the cozy Night Shift light of my laptop.
You’ll also find my bathroom visits, bathtime with the boys, lunches, walks, red light stops, sits in the park, and pretty much every free moment of my day utterly boredom-free, my gaze swallowed into the attention black hole that is the supercomputer in my pocket.
Granted, I still don’t use social media. But my drugs of choice are now Shopify/Amazon (sales dopamine) and The Athletic (sports dopamine). Plus a heroic volume of vital internet searches (i.e. “how many home runs did Miguel Tejeda hit for the Orioles in 2004?”), plus the occasional urgent ChatGPT consults (i.e. “what the f*&# is that red mark on my kid’s thigh?”).
I know this is never going to go away entirely. I don’t want it to. And—unlike previous chapters—I don’t feel guilty about it (thanks Coach Steve). I just know my life is better when this stuff is tempered.
Because the rules and guardrails I erect are the only shields I have against the tempest of temptation that swirls around me in every waking moment.
When those defenses fall—as they did this season—new habits quickly grow roots. And our monkey brains do not like surrendering their freshly-uncorked dopamine geyser.
This is the part where a guru would hit you with a simple, acronym-laden 7-Step Method to Best Your Best Self & Kicking Your Shitty Screentime Habit System™ (yours for only $49.99!)
Alas, I am no guru.
I’m just returning to what has worked before:
Rebuilding the rules & guardrails
Re-reading Digital Minimalism
Cooling my brain with meditation
I don’t think it’s any more complicated than that. And I’ll have things back at a comfortable baseline soon.
But damn—it’s always eye-opening how fast the attention black hole pulls you in the moment you let your defenses drop.
3.) a question 🚀about brave aspirations
I’m astounded when I come across my goal lists from 5, 10, or even 15 years ago.
Things I barely remember writing down…things that felt impossible, bordering on delusion…somehow describe my exact life today.
Family, travel, friendships, money, career—the only area that consistently off-the-mark was creativity (still a work in progress, but trending up).
Writing these things down had to play a role in them becoming reality.
Call it The Secret, call it manifesting, call it magic, call it subconscious goal-seeking—whatever label you prefer, something happens when you make your desires explicit. Your mind starts rearranging itself around them. Until you wake up one day and realize you’re living a life your younger self could scarcely imagine.
And if that’s true—even partially true—it raises a very simple question:
Why not dream bigger? Like WAY bigger than you think you’re allowed to.
Why not write down the goals that feel a little embarrassing? A little too bold? A little too shiny and audacious for the current version of you?
At some point, it takes a level of bravery to aspire to things that feel utterly ridiculous in the present.
But if the past is any indication, your future self might laugh at how small you once thought.
4.) Gary Vaynerchuk 👶🏻 on being 36
This to all my mid-to-late thirty-year-olds who said they’re “old” recently.
You’re a f*cking child!
Two last things for you this week:
Come up with an insane aspiration. Write it down. Get the wheels turning.
Be fire and wish for the wind 🔥
With love,
Chris
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