[antifragile 4 🔥] expectations vs reality, marriage wisdom from the unmarried, integrity, money or time
#39: a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind.
Welcome to the 39th edition of the antifragile 4 🔥.
It’s a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind. Some weeks will have a theme, others will meander. Expect it every Friday.
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Here is this week’s antifragile 4 🔥:
a movie clip 🎥 they need to remake for parenting
marriage wisdom ❤️ from an unmarried guy
a quote 🌇 on integrity
a thought 💵 ⏳ on money or time
+ AI Image of the Week 🤖 🎨
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1.) a movie clip 🎥 they need to remake for parenting
Happiness equals Reality minus Expectations
This scene, from (500) Days of Summer, is one of my all-time favorites.
And it needs to be remade for parenting.
Because, of late, some of my most painful moments have been beautifully constructed expectations of undistracted periods for work, or invigorating triathlon training sessions, or refreshing trips to Portugal that have all been utterly upended by the reality of the moment. All somehow related to my wonderful offspring.
But this is life as a parent. Disruptions are at the top of the job description (right below “Works well with feces”).
How would the Buddha react? He wouldn’t see disruptions as disruptions at all. But rather as simply the next wonderful manifestation of the present moment.
I can’t claim to be enlightened yet (ask me next month).
But until then, I will aspire to be 1% more at peace with my plans & expectations being disrupted. And perhaps even view those disruptions as a gift of time to spend with my boys. Even if it does involve their feces.
2.) marriage wisdom ❤️ from an unmarried guy
Marriages, even the best ones—perhaps especially the best ones—are an ongoing process of spoken and unspoken forgiveness.
Dalai Lama, The Book of Joy with Desmond Tutu
The stress having children puts on the relationship with your spouse is unparalleled. Sometimes it’s utterly ridiculous.
To be able to:
Remember you’re always on the same team
Forgive each other in 24 hours or less for outbursts, oversights and the like -
…is one of the truly irreplaceable skills of sustaining a relationship through parenthood.
3.) a quote 🌇 on integrity
If you’ve ever found yourself snapping at someone you dearly love, or sitting down to complete a work project only to spend five hours shopping for home tattoo kits online, it’s probably because you’re internally divided.
You’re trying to act in ways that don’t feel right to you at the deepest level. Whenever we do this, our lives begin to go pear-shaped. Emotionally, we feel grumpy, sad, or numb. Physically, our immune systems and muscles weaken; we might get sick, and even if we don’t, our energy flattens. Mentally, we lose focus and clarity.
That’s how it feels to be out of integrity.
…When you experience unity of intention, fascination, and purpose, you live like a bloodhound on a scent, joyfully doing what feels truest in each moment. Your daily work, whether it’s writing computer code, gardening, or building houses, is so absorbing that at the end of the day you don’t really want to stop.
But when you do, you enjoy hanging out with loved ones so much, and sleep is so delicious you can’t imagine anything sweeter. And when you wake up the next morning, the day ahead seems so enticing you practically bound out of bed.
Martha Beck, The Way of Integrity
4.) a thought 💵 ⏳ on money or time
Although we all have at least the potential to make more money in the future, we can never go back and recapture time that is now gone. So it makes no sense to let opportunities pass us by for fear of squandering our money. Squandering our lives should be a much greater worry.
Bill Perkins, Die With Zero
AI Image of the Week 🤖 🎨
the Dalai Lama choosing between money and time with a bunch of toddlers running around.
Three last things for you this week:
A very happy 40th birthday to fellow antifragile dad Sean! Send him some good vibes.
Forgive quickly this week. Make it a habit.
Be fire and wish for the wind 🔥
With love,
Chris
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