[antifragile 4 🔥] Adam Grant on modern dad's time with kids, Epictetus & Jack Johnson, not always liking being a parent, the importance of time with other men
#49: a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind.
Welcome to the 49th edition of the antifragile 4 🔥.
It’s a weekly 4-item newsletter created to inspire dads to use the challenges of fatherhood as fuel for building an incredible life & an antifragile mind. Some weeks will have a theme, others will meander. Expect it every Friday.
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📸 50-Word Dad Life Snapshot: My boys have started to laugh with each other. Just spontaneous bursts of laughter fueled by the other’s giggles.
Granted, one still regularly takes Mike Tyson-esque swings at the other’s head.
But these fits of joy make me forget the fights.
Why do I suspect this is only the beginning?
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Here is this week’s antifragile 4 🔥:
Adam Grant ⏳ on modern dads’ time with their kids
[common wisdom] Epictetus & Jack Johnson 🏛️ on what concerns us the most
some thoughts 🫤 on not always liking being a parent
some thoughts on the importance 🍻⛰️ of time with other men
+ Real Image of the Week ⛰️
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1.) Adam Grant ⏳ on modern dads’ time with their kids
My theory about millennial parents being the best parents in history is well documented.
This little ditty by Adam Grant is just another data point proving me right 💁🏻♂️
A common piece of wisdom I’ve encountered in books like Boys Should Be Boys and Iron John (which offers a strange and wonderful take on manhood), is that just being there is about 95% of the battle in being a good dad.
Ok, maybe 50%. Loving them unconditionally and setting a good example are nice bonuses.
But it’s massively impactful.
But just being there is the highest ROI activity you can engage in as a dad.
If you’re reading this, it’s safe to assume you’re showing up.
So keep it up 👊
2.) [common wisdom] Epictetus & Jack Johnson 🏛️ on what concerns us the most
Common wisdom this week was found between the Stoic philosopher Epictetus and Hawaiian singer-songwriter/dreamboat Jack Johnson.
Our most important choice in life, according to Epictetus, is whether to concern ourselves with things external to us or things internal.
William B. Irvine, A Guide to the Good Life
And what about your mind? Does it shine?
Are there things that concern you more than your time?Jack Johnson, Gone
3.) some thoughts 🫤 on not always liking being a parent
I love this post from Kier Gaines…
And I love my kids.
But I don’t always love being a parent.
And that’s ok.
I love how parenthood has changed me. How it’s challenged me. How it’s strengthened my relationship with my wife.
But sometimes it’s annoying AF. Sometimes I yearn for the lives of my childless friends. Some moments I don’t want to be a parent.
And that’s ok. These thoughts do you not make you a shitty parent.
They make you a human.
A human who, despite these challenges, still shows up for their kids. Still gives love and practices patience after literally getting kicked in the balls yet again (those toddler tantrum legs are deadly).
Regardless of anything else you do in life, that is worthwhile.
4.) some thoughts on the importance 🍻⛰️ of time with other men
It’s hard to overstate the importance of, as a father, spending time with your male friends. This was not a concern a generation ago. This itch was typically scratched at work or after work.
But now, for many of us, it’s no longer built into our lives. We must now be proactive in creating these experiences. And they are essential experiences.
Parenting (see above) involves giving most of yourself to your family. After work, kids, partners, extended family and housework…there’s not a huge amount of space for anything else. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I love my personal combination of these things.
But I’ve grown to realize that, as a man, I need to be around other men in an environment that does not demand my attention in any way listed above.
Where we can let our shoulders drop, take a breath, not be on call.
To laugh over ridiculous shared experiences and gripe about the same things men have griped about since we knuckled out of the caves in Africa.
To talk about how it’s been raining so damn much…
…but man we needed it!
That kind of stuff.
To just be men, together.
Without this, I’ve found, something gets whittled away.
Call it soul or identity, or sanity, without this connection to other men, something goes missing in my life.
So, whether it’s a weekly coffee, a standing workout, or (best of all) planning yearly trips with your best buds - make space for it.
Not because it’s fun.
But because it’s medicine.
They are a salve to the hidden wounds inflicted by modern fatherhood. Healing beyond what any pill or therapist could provide.
So, don’t wait for someone else to plan it.
Go first. Reach out. Make it happen.
And just be men, together.
Real Image of the Week ⛰️
My oldest yelling “Colorado!” on the deck of our AirBnb from last weekend.
I’m pretty sure his conception of Colorado is (by his own creation) as a magical land filled with dinosaurs and monster trucks.
We feel the same way about the place, just for different reasons.
Two last things for you this week:
Make a plan to spend real time with special people in your life. And then do it again. And again.
Be fire and wish for the wind 🔥
With love,
Chris
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